Yo. I want you to do something for me. Pause for a minute, and dig deep. Think about your very first kiss. Was it exciting? Was it awkward? Terrifying? Were you twelve? Or sixteen? Or twenty-five? Are you still waiting?
Think about your last kiss. Maybe from a paramour, or an old friend, or little kid, or a strange but friendly dog on the street (yeah, that was me), or a David Bowie poster… think about what that one was like.
Now think about the last time you listened to Prince’s song “Kiss”… did you sing along? Did you picture Julia Roberts in a bubble bath with headphones? (Did you worry about her safety?)
Most people seem to enjoy smooching. At least smooching certain people, animals, celebrity paraphernalia, anyway. Maybe you like it more than the average bloke… maybe you like it less. If it really isn’t your bag, imagine something else that you really love doing… maybe it involves a bag of kittens, or a long walk on the beach, or getting caught in the rain, or a bucket of freakin’ pina colada, I don’t know, just go to your happy place.
Now imagine doing that fun, delicious, amazing thing for 58 hours. Straight. Without eating or private pee breaks. Not so fun now, is it? Well, bow at the feet of or run in terror from the Thai couple who broke the world kissing record last Valentine’s Day when they sucked face for OVER 58 CONTINUOUS HOURS. Nasty! Yeah, they won a little money, but not nearly enough to encourage me to attempt such an ambitious, gross, and generally unsanitary feat.
That fact is just one of many interesting things I learned recently while researching the origins of snogging. Check it out: